Psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey (screen capture) With so much turmoil in the nation right now, many people are asking “How can I help? How can I be part of the solution?” But the social terrain can be scary. Even folks who consider themselves ‘good guys’ – on the side of equal rights and justice – question are they ‘doing it right?’ On Tuesday this week, one trend was to take part in ‘Blackout Tuesday’ in order to show you stand in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement. But some folks got backlash here and there with comments saying, “Don’t do it like that – resist like THIS.” Even with the best of intentions, folks who want to support the movement are confused. As a Flashback Friday post, we wanted to share this video from psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey. Back in 2015, he shared how an awkward moment in his own life helped him learn to ‘check himself’ even when he knew in his head he was an ally. “Growing up gay and feeling like an outlier for most of my life easily lends itself to greater empathy for others who’ve felt the same,” wrote Dempsey when he first shared the video in 2015. “My experience also lends itself to the illusion that I couldn’t possibly continue discriminating against others, including people of color. Watch my latest video on how I own racism in an effort to heal.” “As a gay man, I have this real value set in wanting to eradicate discrimination across the board,” says Dempsey in the video. “The only way that I know that I can really do that most effectively is by being able to check in with myself and seeing what’s going on here first.” As an example, Dempsey shares how many gay men grow up exposed to homophobic beliefs and how they can become a part of our subconscious. Those thoughts can color how we see ourselves and the LGBTQ community as a whole. But when we’re aware that it’s there, we can call it out. Being raised in a society where racist beliefs do exist, we are exposed to them whether we want to be or not. Dempsey says when we check in with ourselves about even the most subtle aspects of racism, then we can call it out and own it. Dempsey references the 2015 film Stonewall which created a fictional white male character as a principal in the storytelling when history knows the Stonewall protests were led by the trans community and gay people of color. As many pointed out at the time, that was subtle racism in overshadowing the historical figures with a white, gay man. He also mentions the issue of fetishizing the idea of having sex with ‘dominate’ black men, another form of racism. Before we get to the video clip, we know today is not five years ago. And life at this moment in time is sensitive in regard to each and every word people utter when speaking about race relations. In sharing this, I ask that you watch the video in its entirety to get to Dempsey’s point. I reached out to Dempsey to see if he had any followup to his 2015 commentary. He sent this update:
“This message I put out there 5 years ago is a perfect example of how acknowledging White privilege is inherently imperfect and wrought with blind spots for us to call out and change. The most cringe-worthy moment as I rewatch now is when I suggest it’s OK to have racial preferences for dating and sex because clearly, that’s some racist bullshit tbh. I know better. Now I can do better. And this is how I stand for BIPOC and Black Lives Matter.”
One more thing: please do not have a knee-jerk reaction to the title of Dempsey’s video. The title makes a point, so watch the video to get to ‘the point.’
DJ Thiago Oliveira (via Instagram) Some news items you might have missed: • InstaHunks: DJ Thiago Oliveira (above) getting in some straight-up social distancing at the beach in Spain. Follow the ‘Daddy Wolf’ on Instagram here. • NBC News: The Trump administration submitted a brief to the Supreme Court on Wednesday arguing that a taxpayer-funded organization should be able to refuse to work with same-sex couples and others whom the group considers to be in violation of its religious beliefs. • Out Music: Trey Pearson, who first found fame fronting the Christian rock band Everyday Sunday, channels LGBTQ Pride’s history of protest in his latest music video, “1984.” Pearson, who came out as gay four years ago, called the song “a love letter sent to us from the LGBT community of the ’80s” to inspire people in a time of crisis and uprising.
• Washington Post: Donald Trump’s former chief of staff John F. Kelly defended former defense secretary Jim Mattis on Thursday over Mattis’s criticism of the president’s handling of nationwide protests. Kelly also dismissed Trump’s assertion that the president fired the retired general in 2018. “The president did not fire him. He did not ask for his resignation. The president has clearly forgotten how it actually happened or is confused.” • Out: Following fellow gay dating app Grindr, Jack’d and Scruff have announced they will disable their ethnicity filters in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement. “We stand in solidarity with the fight against systemic racism and historic oppression of the Black community.” • Lincoln Project: The conservative anti-Trump PAC drops this new campaign ad writing, “Trump is no longer hiding that he’s a brazen authoritarian, so desiring of control and power that he’s willing to turn our once peaceful cities into #warzones.
L-R Gregory McMichael and his son Travis McMichael and William “Roddie” Bryan (Glynn County Sheriff) The man who recorded the shooting death of Ahmaud Arbery, 25, in Georgia told investigators the man who killed Arbery used a racial slur right after the shooting. From NBC News:
The white Georgia man accused of killing an unarmed black man, Ahmaud Arbery, used a racial slur after the fatal shooting, according to another suspect’s account to an investigator.
The allegation was revealed as the prosecution presented its case at a preliminary hearing on Thursday morning for defendants Gregory McMichael, 64, his son Travis McMichael, 34, and their neighbor William “Roddie” Bryan, 50.
The defense, which was to follow the prosecution at the hearing, has yet to respond to the allegation of the slur.
Special agent Richard Dial with the Georgia Bureau of Investigation said during the hearing that Bryan said that he heard Travis McMichael say, “f—ing N-word” after Arbery had been shot.
Attorneys for the McMichaels say Arbery’s death is a tragedy, “but that does not mean a crime has been committed.”
UPDATE: An investigator has testified that one of the white men accused of killing Ahmaud Arbery was heard saying a racist slur over his body. Evidence also alleges that Arbery was unable to escape after being repeatedly boxed in by two pickup trucks https://t.co/ttUGRAO1Fgpic.twitter.com/6rKI6JGbqq
George Floyd under the knee of former police officer Derek Chauvin (screen capture) Derek Chauvin, the former Minneapolis police officer who held his knee on an unarmed Black man’s neck until he lost consciousness, has had his murder charge upgraded. The other three fired officers who were present at the incident have now been charged as well. From the New York Times:
Minnesota officials charged three more former police officers on Wednesday in the death of George Floyd, and added a higher charge to those already lodged against the former officer who pressed his knee to Mr. Floyd’s neck for nearly nine minutes.
Keith Ellison, the attorney general of Minnesota, announced the charges at a news conference Wednesday afternoon.
The three officers, Thomas Lane, 37, J. Alexander Kueng, 26, and Tou Thao, 34, were charged with aiding and abetting murder, court records show. Mr. Kueng was in custody on Wednesday, county jail records showed. The authorities said they were in the process of arresting Mr. Lane and Mr. Thao.
The fourth officer, Derek Chauvin, 44, who was arrested last week, faces an increased charge of second-degree murder.
Ret. General James Mattis (photo: Defense Dept) Since his resignation as Defense Secretary in December 2018, James Mattis has remained silent regarding Donald Trump’s performance as president. Mattis resigned as secretary of defense after the Trump administration announced a withdrawal of troops from Syria, citing differing views with the administration. But in an extraordinary statement, the decorated Marine general expresses his support for those protesting, calls out Trump for dividing the nation, and denounces the ordering of uniformed military to ‘dominate’ American citizens. Via The Atlantic:
Donald Trump is the first president in my lifetime who does not try to unite the American people—does not even pretend to try. Instead, he tries to divide us. We are witnessing the consequences of three years of this deliberate effort. We are witnessing the consequences of three years without mature leadership.
We can unite without him, drawing on the strengths inherent in our civil society. This will not be easy, as the past few days have shown, but we owe it to our fellow citizens; to past generations that bled to defend our promise; and to our children.
[snip]
We know that we are better than the abuse of executive authority that we witnessed in Lafayette Park. We must reject and hold accountable those in office who would make a mockery of our Constitution. At the same time, we must remember Lincoln’s “better angels,” and listen to them, as we work to unite.
Only by adopting a new path—which means, in truth, returning to the original path of our founding ideals—will we again be a country admired and respected at home and abroad.
A queer high school senior in South Carolina wasn’t allowed to walk in her own graduation because – wait for it – she wore pants. While a lot of graduation ceremonies became virtual events due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, Lamar High School in Darlington County managed to hold its 2020 event in the open air on the football field Tuesday afternoon. But when Dynasia Clark, who’s openly lesbian, arrived at wearing pants – her attire of choice – she was informed she was in violation of the dress code (which requires women to wear a dress during the ceremony) and wouldn’t be allowed to take part. It’s worth noting that all of those taking part in the ceremony were wearing graduation gowns. So, no one could really see what Clark was wearing underneath. With just minutes before the ceremony was to begin, Clark walked off the field. (screen capture via WPDE) Speaking to the local ABC News affiliate WPDE, Clark said, “I was angry more than anything because we worked hard to even have a graduation, and then I can’t walk because I don’t got on a dress.” She also shared that, after four years of being out while attending the school, “They already know how I am, they already know I’m not going to wear a dress.” But she didn’t leave the event. Standing outside the venue gates, she waited to hear her name called as the students walked across the stage to accept their diplomas. However, the school decided to delete her name from the list of graduates’ names read. Clark was, understandably, stunned. “That was the part that made me more mad than anything because, even if I couldn’t walk, I was there,” explained the teen. “You could have still called my name.” “It seems crazy to me,” she added. “It seems stupid, like petty, because it was just an outfit to me.” The Darlington County School District sent this statement to WPDE:
“The Lamar High School dress code for graduation has been in place for more than 20 years. We welcome students or parents who have concerns with any policy or procedure to meet with administration and discuss those concerns. In the past, when a student raised concern with the administration about the dress code prior to graduation day, the issue was addressed.”
Still, Clark’s disappointment was palpable as she told reporter Carlos Flores, “It shouldn’t have stopped me from doing something that I have been waiting on for 12 years. I went to school. Everybody be happy for their graduation day and I couldn’t even experience that.” You can watch WPDE’s report here.
The number of senior LGBTQs is expected to double in the next 10 years Some news items you might have missed: • LGBTQ Nation: Experts say there are 2.4 million LGBTQ seniors in the U.S. and that number is projected to reach seven million by 2030. Check out this list of organizations that offer valuable resources for aging LGBTQ people. • Instinct: The British government has announced that strangers (or couples living apart from each other) are no longer legally allowed to have sex for the duration of the COVID-19 pandemic. The text of the legislation outlaws indoor gatherings “when two or more people are present together in the same place in order to engage in any form of social interaction with each other or to undertake any other activity with each other.” • Pink News: Levi’s has released a pair of denim chaps for Pride Month which are apparently “inspired by the resilience and beauty” of the LGBT+ community. The Pride offering is described as a “classic Levi’s silhouette, reimagined as a pair of unapologetically bold chaps.” #ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmm(image via Levi’s) • The Advocate: The state of Minnesota has filed a human rights complaint against the Minneapolis Police Department following the death of George Floyd, an unarmed Black man who died last week while being pinned him to the ground by a white police officer. The Minnesota Department of Human Rights will begin an investigation into the MPD’s conduct over the past decade to determine if officers “engaged in systemic discriminatory practices.” • New York Times: The ongoing protests across the country have spurred political campaign donations to Democrats via their ActBlue website. Between Friday and Monday, the online donor platform processed over $60 million in donations. • NowThis News: Rev. Mariann Edgar Budde, the bishop who oversees St. John’s Episcopalian Church in Washington DC, was outraged over the use of force on peaceful protesters and church clergy by Donald Trump. Bible in hand, Trump posed awkwardly for a photo and then walked away from the chaos, but many are calling this an abuse of power and a dangerous stifling of the 1st Amendment right to peaceful protest.
Gay porn performer Billy Santoro gets canceled over racist comments (screen capture) Gay porn performer Billy Santoro showed his fans exactly who he is on Monday night when he took to Facebook to encourage American police officers to shoot ‘black looters.’ Santoro’s post on his since-deleted Facebook page read, “Lol. America! Lol you let your blacks loot as a way of protest. Wake the fuck up. Shoot first.” #Hideous JustForFans.com, the adult entertainment subscription site where Santoro makes a living, summarily kicked Santoro off the platform announcing via Twitter: “And here we had a good day so I put my phone away to actually take a night off. And then I checked the phone to see all the messages. His account is gone. Policing is a slippery slope and we won’t be puppets to cancel culture. This was not debatable though. It was vile. BLM.” The site had already announced the addition of Black Lives Matter to its Charitable Giving Program. https://twitter.com/JustForFansSite/status/1267625732144091137?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1267625732144091137&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.towleroad.com%2F2020%2F06%2Fbilly-santoro%2F https://twitter.com/JustForFansSite/status/1267512884755603458
Santoro’s OnlyFans page was also apparently deleted as was the page of his husband, fellow porn performer Gage Santoro.
Suffering a serious backlash, Billy took to Twitter to explain he had lost a friend during ‘the looting in philly’ and had ‘lashed out’ due to stress.
“A friend of mine was killed during the looting in philly and I lashed out full of emotional stress,” wrote Santoro. “Those who know me know I am not racist. I am hurt by the loss of my friend.”
That was quickly followed by a tweet ‘sincerely’ apologizing and noting the many people of color he has ‘fallen in love with.’ “I sincerely apologize for hurting the POC with my statement. I have fallen in love with many poc and understand the frustration.” https://twitter.com/BillySantoroXXX/status/1267671009621979136 https://twitter.com/BillySantoroXXX/status/1267673235916599296 But this wasn’t Santoro’s first racist comment. In fact, it wasn’t even the first racist comment of the day. The folks at Cocktails and Cocktalk screen captured a Twitter exchange where Santoro chimed in on a Wisconsin restaurant’s comment writing, “Or the blacks will just breed more hatred towards them.” (via Cocktails and Cocktalk) Just some of the backlash via Twitter: https://twitter.com/reizzla/status/1267861750763917312 https://twitter.com/FrostyOtterXXX/status/1267863696476385281 https://twitter.com/EastCoast2k9/status/1267602626314731521 The latest chapter in this sad tale comes as Gage tweeted (then-deleted) a plea to stop the attacks on Billy saying he’d attempted suicide ‘based on the hate he has received.’ Actor Johnny Sibilly wasn’t convinced.
Protesters in Washington, D.C. (screen capture) Donald Trump tweeted a message of self-congratulatory tidings for the “domination” of protesters in Washington, D.C. Monday night. The Hillreports, “Officers arrested scores of demonstrators who continued to gather and march downtown, and military helicopters were used to try to disperse individuals by hovering above them to produce intense gusts and noise.” Military helicopters and tear gas were reportedly used throughout the evening to break up active protests both before and after the 7pm curfew. Gen. Mark Milley, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, was spotted roaming the streets of Washington in his military uniform. Attorney General William Barr was seen monitoring the situation in plain clothes. Trump tweeted, “D.C. had no problems last night. Many arrests. Great job done by all. Overwhelming force. Domination. Likewise, Minneapolis was great (thank you President Trump!).”
D.C. had no problems last night. Many arrests. Great job done by all. Overwhelming force. Domination. Likewise, Minneapolis was great (thank you President Trump!).
George Floyd’s brother, Terrence Floyd, calls for non-violent protests George Floyd’s brother, Terrence Floyd, urged crowds to keep protests peaceful and show up at the ballot box to enact change. “Educate yourselves and know who you’re voting for!”
#Hideous JustForFans.com, the adult entertainment subscription site where Santoro makes a living, summarily kicked Santoro off the platform announcing via Twitter: “And here we had a good day so I put my phone away to actually take a night off. And then I checked the phone to see all the messages. His account is gone. Policing is a slippery slope and we won’t be puppets to cancel culture. This was not debatable though. It was vile. BLM.” The site had already announced the addition of Black Lives Matter to its Charitable Giving Program. https://twitter.com/JustForFansSite/status/1267625732144091137?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1267625732144091137&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.towleroad.com%2F2020%2F06%2Fbilly-santoro%2F https://twitter.com/JustForFansSite/status/1267512884755603458 
