Tag: mental health

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Let’s All Say It Together – #EFF2020

I have to admit up front that I normally despise people doing the middle finger ‘f*ck you’ thing. It usually feels so base and so classless. But, for weeks now, my fatigue and loathing for the year 2020 have been growing exponentially. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed a single year being so incredibly full of bad news. And I know I’m not alone. Check out these folks who indulge themselves in a bit of well-earned mental health self-care by expressing their thoughts on how 2020 has impacted them – from school closings to toilet paper hoarders, to lost loved ones, to the long list of ‘Karens’ we’ve endured during the pandemic and more. Note – adult language here #duh

(h/t Boy Culture)

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What Is The ‘Man Box’ And Do You Want To Be In It?

(stock image via Depositphotos)
A new study (published today in Preventative Medicine) found those men who hold more rigid beliefs about masculinity – including attitudes about acting tough, hypersexuality and homophobia – also tend toward bullying, sexual harassment, depression, and suicidal thoughts. The researchers at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Children’s Hospital based their study on the “Man Box” report from 2017 conducted by Promundo, a global consortium that works to promote gender equality. In the 1980s, activist Paul Kivel developed the “Act Like a Man Box” as a way to help men discuss how society can place pressures on men to act a certain way. Men “in the Man Box” are those who most internalize messages of having to ‘be tough’ in life or being hyper-dominant in sexual roles. Young men “outside the Man Box” are those who have broken out of the box and reject these ideas. Dr. Robert Coulter, one of the new study’s co-authors, told Business Insider that for the purposes of their study, the “man box” is defined as a “rigid set of beliefs that men have to ascribe to in order to be a proper man.” The 3,600+ male participants, aged 18-30, in the U.S., Mexico, and the U.K. were asked to rank on a scale of 1 to 4 (from “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree”) 15 statements regarding attitudes on self-sufficiency, hypersexuality, sexual prowess, gender roles, and homophobia. Some of the statements included: • “It is not good for a boy to be taught how to cook, sew, clean the house and take care of younger children” • “Men should use violence to get respect, if necessary” • “A ‘real man’ would never say no to sex” • “A guy who spends a lot of time on his looks isn’t very manly” The researchers found higher scores on the “man box” scale often indicated higher levels of verbal, online, or physical bullying as well as sexual harassment. Additionally, men who landed higher on the “man box” scale were twice as likely to admit experiencing depression and/or suicidal thoughts. The five statements that had the strongest associations with violence and poor mental health were:

1. A man shouldn’t have to do household chores. 2. Men should use violence to get respect if necessary. 3. A real man should have as many sexual partners as he can. 4. A man who talks a lot about his worries, fears, and problems shouldn’t really get respect. 5. A gay guy is not a “real man.”

In regard to that fourth statement, it makes sense that men who repress or tamp down personal concerns or emotions would be more likely to experience challenges in terms of mental health. Dr. Coulter told Business Insider his research team was “quite surprised to see harmful masculinity is associated with negative outcomes (like depression and suicidal thoughts) for the men themselves.” ‘Harmful masculinity,’ sometimes referred to as ‘toxic masculinity,’ can be defined as damaging beliefs that can lead to strict, controlling, heteronormative and violent norms about what constitutes a ‘real man.’ The research team hopes their “man box” scale might be a tool for health care providers and public health workers to help “measure progress toward changing harmful stereotypes and advancing both gender equality and healthier versions of masculinity.” (source: Business Insider)

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Out Music: Paul Middleton ‘When Love Takes Over’

Out singer/songwriter Paul Middleton
In the wake of Pride festivals and celebrations around the world being canceled during Pride month, out UK singer Paul Middleton lifts spirits with an all-new cover of the Kelly Rowland and David Guetta hit track, ‘When Love Takes Over’ with a Pride-themed music video to celebrate Pride Month. From Middleton:

With pride canceled and with the lockdown affecting everyone, I tried to capture what made people happy in their day to day lives and connect to the lyrics of the song.

From a mental health approach, we all have gone through tough times together. I wanted this video to show that by doing something positive and healthy for yourself it can have a great knock on effect.

From a pride perspective, I wanted to capture the colourful diversity and beauty in the scene. I am so grateful to these beautiful people that gave their time for this video. When love does take over – great things happen to you.

“When Love Takes Over” is now available to stream/download on all digital download sites.

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Out Music: Project Moses “He’s Not Staying”

Project Moses (right) in his music video ‘He’s Not Staying’
The new single, “He’s Not Staying,” from out artist Project Moses, explores the quiet turmoil of living with mental illness. The music video for the song, directed by Zach Adam (who also wrote and produced the track) was shot in on Fire Island during the quiet, cold weeks of November. Somber and reclusive, Project Moses says it was “the perfect setting for the dark subject matter of this single.” The story-telling for the video is artful and delicate as the artist reflects on the pensive journey of the song. Project Moses’s evocative vocals are clear and sure, never veering to hyper-emotional, letting the listener take the ride for themselves. Project Moses admits he was drawn to the song but had to do some self-exploration to understand his connection. “It took me a while to recognize what was going on in my head and the reason why none of my relationships with friends, family, or lovers lasted,” explains the artist. Over the years, he came to grips with the rejection he felt from his family after revealing he was gay. “For whatever reason, the feeling of abandonment cut deep into my heart,” he adds. “While my family and I are in a much better place today, the scars from our past remain.”
Project Moses (promotional photo)
Scars aside, playing the track for his mom proved to be a cathartic moment for both mother and son. “My mom cried when I played the song for her,” shares the handsome artist from his home in New York City. “It was the first time she realized how close I came to ending it all.” But just as the song evolves from a gloomy, melancholy sound to a more progressive, light at the end of the tunnel vibe, Project Moses says that he too has “transformed.” “He’s Not Staying,” from the upcoming album Better Man, is available now on all digital download sites. Check out the moody, wistful music video below. Follow Project Moses on Instagram here.

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Tips For Better Mental Health During COVID-19 Pandemic

As May is Mental Health Awareness Month AND we continue to face the ongoing COVID-19 crisis, it becomes more and more apparent that our well-being is closely tied to our mental health. For men, whose natural instinct is to take action, these times present unique challenges as most of us follow stay-at-home guidelines. With our regular routines interrupted and normal channels for processing stress – like heading to the gym or going out with friends – unavailable to us, thoughts and feelings can turn into anxiety and angst. In a new article for Healthline.com, Dan Doty, co-founder of EVRYMAN, offers some practical steps on how to help men’s mental health while coping with the stresses of isolation during the coronavirus pandemic. EVRYMAN is an online community that focuses on helping men act more productively on their emotions instead of burying or redirecting them thereby helping to build a more fulfilling life. Dan shares these four tips: • Feel Your Feelings – Taking proactive action for your mental health not only gets you the support you need, but it also helps break down the cultural stigma that can be a barrier to other men getting help. • Reach out to Connect – A call with your parents, a video chat with your co-workers, or a text message to a sibling can be invaluable right now. In order to make the best of these moments of connection, you can make them count by being more vulnerable and transparent. • Go Inside (yourself) – You don’t have to become a great meditator or world-class yogi to benefit from the amazing meditation apps that are out there. Don’t overthink it – try an exercise of setting a timer and writing for 10 minutes without stopping. Let go and write anything and everything that wants to come out. • Take Action – It might feel very tricky to take action right now, but a helpful strategy is to slow down and find small, manageable ways to move forward and orient ourselves to simple, practical actions. What may seem small and mundane at first glance can bring an air of progress and forward momentum. Click over to Healthline to read Dan’s full article. Note: EVRYMAN is currently offering free support to men all over the world via community calls and daily drop-in groups as a way for men from all walks of life to band together in support.

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Gus Kenworthy Shares Isolation Struggles, Announces Fundraiser For First Responders

Olympic silver medalist Gus Kenworthy
Olympic silver medalist Gus Kenworthy checked in via Instagram on Wednesday noting that while he’s been “MIA” for several weeks on social media. Kenworthy candidly shared that the stay-at-home isolation thanks to the ongoing COVID-19 health threat has weighed heavily on him and his mental health. “One thing I’ve learned is that just because we’re in isolation it does NOT mean that we’re alone,” wrote Kenworthy. “We really are in this together! If you’re struggling w/ depression and you’ve been feeling down and worthless know that I have been too.” “In school, in sports and in life I’ve always hated asking for help because I’ve wanted to seem strong, brave, tough, self-assured, etc but I’ve realized that sometimes you just need help and when you do you need to ask for it,” he continued. “It’s literally what friends are for. Swallow your pride and text a friend saying ‘I’m feeling really down, can you talk?’ It will help.”

 

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I know I’ve been MIA for the past month and a half but tbh this whole thing has been really hard on me. I know has been a struggle for most everyone. One thing I’ve learned is that just because we’re in isolation it does NOT mean that we’re alone. We really are in this together! If you’re struggling w/ depression and you’ve been feeling down and worthless know that I have been too. In school, in sports and in life I’ve always hated asking for help because I’ve wanted to seem strong, brave, tough, self-assured, etc but I’ve realized that sometimes you just need help and when you do you need to ask for it. It’s literally what friends are for. Swallow your pride and text a friend saying “I’m feeling really down, can you talk?” It will help. I’m thankful for my friends and all of you for being my support system; I’m thankful for the people who have used this time to create fun, funny content that has made me laugh and offered levity amidst the darkness; I’m thankful for my health and, most especially, I’m thankful for my family. We had some serious scares this past month and it’s put into perspective, more than ever before, the importance of family. My 9-month-old nephew, Bodhi, had a bad cough/ fever and started having trouble breathing. He ended up being flight for life’d to Denver Children’s Hospital to be put on a respirator and spent a week in the ICU. Shortly after he returned home my 4-year-old niece, Bobbie, fell ill and had to be rushed to the same hospital to undergo two emergency surgeries. They’re both finally home again and recovering! I’m incredibly thankful and forever grateful to our healthcare workers on the front line of this pandemic. I can’t show my gratitude enough but, in an effort to help out, I’ve decided to join Cameo to make personalized videos for anybody who wants one w/ 100% of my proceeds going to #FirstRespondersFirst to raise money for the doctors & nurses risking their lives to save others. If you wanna buy a video there’s a link in my bio and I’ll match whatever we raise up to $10,000! Thank you all for staying home to help flatten the curve and also for reading my unsolicited novel of a caption. Let’s #BeatTheVirus ❤️

A post shared by gus kenworthy (@guskenworthy) on

Kenworthy added that both his 9-month-old nephew and his 4-year-old niece had recently experienced two health scares involving some pretty serious maneuvers. Now that both are home and recovering, Kenworthy plans to show his appreciation for healthcare workers on the frontline of the coronavirus pandemic “I can’t show my gratitude enough but, in an effort to help out, I’ve decided to join Cameo to make personalized videos for anybody who wants one w/ 100% of my proceeds going to #FirstRespondersFirst to raise money for the doctors & nurses risking their lives to save others,” says the woofy Olympian. For those not familiar with Cameo, the website allows fans to connect with celebrities and purchase personalized video greetings for just about any occasion. Kenworthy says he’s only joining the site for a limited time during the COVID-19 isolation. Donations to #FirstRespondersFirst will provide essential supplies, equipment and resources for protecting frontline healthcare workers and their patients. In addition to doing the personalized videos, Kenworthy announced he will match whatever he raises up to $10,000. You can find Gus Kenworthy’s Cameo page here.

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Quarantine Coaching: Coping With The ‘Funhouse Mirrors’ Effect

Psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey
Psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey’s latest video explores how LGBTQ folks can see a very distorted image of ourselves because of emotional issues, how that’s put on even more of a hyperdrive during COVID, and what we can do. From the good therapist:

What we see reflected in the mirror can go from a “flower crown” to “zombie lens” filter in a heartbeat without anything actually changing.

We tend to buy what we see on the surface at face value without realizing how much it’s distorted by our deeper emotional stuff. And us gays have plenty thanks to homophobia.

Check out my latest video on the “Funhouse Mirrors” effect, how it can be more triggering than ever during COVID, and how we can reset not only what we feel but also what we see.

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Taking A Look At The Effects Of ‘Queer Cancel Culture’

Psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey
Psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey takes a look at where our instinct for “queer cancel culture” comes from and explores other options that might be healthier for our heads and hearts. Taking a cue from his own experiences as a young gay, Dempsey says he realized that, as bad relationships fell away, he made mental notes to “never let that happen again.” But as he started having healthier relationships, echoes of those harmful experiences would show up and he would “pounce on the littlest thing that felt like it was a reflection” of his past trauma. Dempsey admits some of those reactions might have been a little ‘out-sized’ for the moment even if they were a protective response. But he realized those feelings might have kept him from meaningful relationships. This brings him to the topic of ‘queer cancel culture’ and how it may (or may not) be the healthiest reaction every time the LGBTQ community is attacked. “‘Cancel culture’ is when a person or an entity does or says something that we just viscerally disagree with,” explains Dempsey. “And we don’t just write them off but we kind of rally the troops to boycott or shut them down.” To be sure, Dempsey isn’t saying we shouldn’t stand up for ourselves when companies like Chick-fil-A take our consumer dollars and donate to anti-LGBTQ organizations. Quite the contrary. “For a community that has long been oppressed and silenced, us queer people need to make sure we continue to use our voices to assert our right for equality anytime it’s challenged or ignored,” says Dempsey. He points to companies like Chick-fil-A and eHarmony, or performers like Kevin Hart, who learned first-hand the backlash they can expect when they were unwilling to acknowledge their contributions of inequity to LGBTQ+ people. Considering recent events, it’s impossible not to think of a certain disgraced former congressman in this line of thinking, no? “Calling out any discrimination is a must,” asserts Dempsey.”But is canceling entire companies and public figures who misstep an even more effective strategy to let the larger society know what is no longer tolerable?” “We don’t want to just keep putting out fires, we want to make sure we teach people how to not even start them.” He also wonders if there are “overlooked costs” to the community and to the mental health of the people doing the canceling? Trust and believe, he isn’t advocating that the LGBTQ community lay down our arms. As he says, “F*ck no.” “Of course we need to make sure that we’re being really assertive in our need for equality, but we also want to have some openness so we are able to win over the people who ARE able to learn and make some changes with us.” Check out Dempsey’s latest video, “Queer Cancel Culture,” and his thoughts on the responses that can either maintain or help heal trauma both community-wide and individually. And then sound off in the comments section: Do you agree? Disagree? We want to know.

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Sherry Pie Disqualified Just Hours Before RuPaul’s Drag Race Debut

Sherry Pie (image via World of Wonder)
RuPaul’s Drag Race has canceled Season 12 contestant Sherry Pie after numerous allegations of catfishing young men for nude photos went viral. Aspiring actor Ben Shimkus posted on his Facebook account an emotionally jarring story regarding Joey Gugliemelli aka Sherry Pie, who makes her Drag Race debut tonight. My Instinct Magazine colleague Mickey Keating first broke the news of Shimkus’ story with an exclusive interview with him regarding his experience with Gugliemelli. Posing as a casting director for a prestigious theater company in New York City, Gugliemelli would entice young male actors to send explicit photos and video clips as ‘audition’ materials for a new play to be presented. After Shimkus’s post went viral, several others came forward with similar stories. Eventually, Gugliemelli took to Facebook himself and copped to the accusations.

“This is Joey, I want to start by saying how sorry I am that I caused such trauma and pain and how horribly embarrassed and disgusted I am with myself. I know that the pain and hurt that I have caused will never go away and I know that what I did was wrong and truly cruel. Until being on RuPaul’s Drag Race, I never really understood how much my mental health and taking care of things meant. I learned on that show how important “loving yourself” is and I don’t think I have ever loved myself. I have been seeking help and receiving treatment since coming back to NYC. I truly apologize to everyone I have hurt with my actions. I also want to say how sorry I am to my sisters of season 12 and honestly the whole network and production company. All I can do is change the behavior and that starts with me and doing that work.”

In the wake of Gugliemelli’s admission, RuPaul’s Drag Race announced that, while the bulk of Season 12 has already been filmed, Sherry Pie “will not appear in the grand finale scheduled to be filmed later this spring.” Sherry’s entre to RPDR and ‘cancel culture’ begins tonight on VH1.