Trump To Launch New Social Media Platform ‘TRUTH’ (hahaha)

A press release was dispatched to journalists today announcing the impending launch of a new social media platform ‘TRUTH’ coming to you from – wait for it – Donald Trump.

After being banned from practically every other social media platform for dispensing never-ending misinformation and lies, the Donald has decided to create his own little online kingdom.

“I’m excited to soon begin sharing my thoughts on TRUTH social and to fight back against big tech,” Trump said in a statement.

Among the terms and conditions of service: You can’t criticize or “disparage or tarnish” the site itself; you can’t use too many capital letters when sending a ‘TRUTH’ (yes, TRUTHS are like tweets only Trumpier); and when you retweet something they are called ‘Re-TRUTHs.’

A tech reporter already found a link to the beta testing and signed up as “mikepence.”