I’ve actually been talking about this with friends for some time.
Jimmy Kimmel notes that Google searches for ‘fake vaccination cards’ is up 1100% since the CDC announced vaccinated people don’t have to wear face masks in most situations.
In other words, anti-vaxxers want to be able to lie and say they got the shot.
As Kimmel points out – the reason why the economy is opening up and people are safe is thanks to those of us who actually got the shot.
“The only reason you’re somewhat safe now is that other people got the shot.”
“You’re the person who heads for the bathroom when the check comes at the restaurant. You’re the lady who takes home the centerpieces from a wedding you weren’t invited to. You’re the guy who brings five napkins to a potluck dinner. That’s you.”
With his exit from the Democratic primary race last week, Pete Buttigieg found himself available when Jimmy Kimmel called and asked if the former mayor of South Bend, Indiana would guest host his late-night talk show.
Mayor Pete handled the hosting duties with panache even delivering the opening monologue which took aim at some prominent names as well as himself.
Due to the coronavirus threat, Buttigieg’s studio audience was comprised of a handful of crew members, show staffers, friends and of course husband Chasten.
“This was not our plan,” Buttigieg explained. “We just decided this a few hours ago, and it’s disappointing because I love to crowd-surf. It’s kind of my thing.”
“But the experts have told us the best way to prevent the spread of the virus is to physically stay apart, so that’s what we’re going to do,” he added as he camera panned across the nearly empty audience seats. “The only way we’re going to get through this crisis is with unity, so let’s do this together. Who’s with me?”
Cut to footage of a massive, wildly cheering crowd.
Keeping it honest, Buttigieg did confirm: “Full disclosure, none of those people are here.” He then added, “But when you don’t have a real audience, you have to fake one, just like Trump’s inauguration.”
“As you know I dropped out of the presidential race last week, which was unfortunate, but what can I say: Some candidates know when it’s time to get out of the race, and some candidates are Tulsi Gabbard,” he continued.
“I really thought we had a shot, but it turns out I was about 40 years too young, and 38 years too gay,” Buttigieg said with a smile.
“Although we didn’t win, we did achieve some pretty big milestones,” he proclaimed. “I’m the first gay person ever to win a presidential primary and the first gay man in 30 years to wear pleated pants. We all have our journey.”
Noting how quickly things can change on a day-to-day basis, Buttigieg showed his audience “living proof that America will always be America” as footage of former half-term governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, rolled revealing her to be the rainbow bear on The Masked Singer Wednesday night.
After a pause, Buttigieg remarked, “That’s gonna be me in three months, isn’t it?”
Later in the show, Mayor Pete interviewed Tony Hale (Veep) and the one and only Sir Patrick Stewart who is promoting his return to the role of Captain Jean-Luc Picard in the new series, Star Trek: Picard.
Buttigieg, a life-long Star Trek fan, even went head-to-head with Stewart in a trivia game titled, “Who’s the Captain Now?” hosted by the one and only LeVar Burton.
Chasten took to Instagram to share behind-the-scenes moments with Buttigieg and his guests.
Stormy Daniels on Jimmy Kimmel Live (courtesy of ABC)
Stormy Daniels dropped by Jimmy Kimmel Live last night to promote her new tell-all memoir, Full Disclosure, and along the way the porn star offered even more details about her 2007 sexcapade with Donald Trump.
Out actress Sarah Paulson (American Horror Story: Apocalypse) gleefully asked if she could stay on stage for the Stormy segment telling Kimmel she would love to play the porn star in the film version of her book.
After sitting down, Kimmel took the conversation right to “Chapter Trump.”
Daniels shared that when she first met the Trumpster in his hotel suite that fateful night, he was wearing silky black pajamas: “I’m pretty sure I thought he was channeling Hugh Hefner. Significantly less sexy.”
According to Daniels, she told him to change.
“I wish you could make him change now,” quipped Kimmel.
“He followed orders much better back then,” Daniels said with a laugh.
Kimmel replied he thought Daniels could still order the Donald around a bit, but Daniels was quick saying, “I don’t speak Russian.”
Stormy Daniels (image via screen capture)
Kimmel couldn’t help but bring up the now-infamous moment during the evening when Daniels reportedly spanked the Donald with a magazine, asking, “What does he do, when you spank Donald Trump?”
Without pause, Daniels responded, “Do you want me to show you? Get up!”
After spanking Kimmel with her book, the late night host paused to pray saying, “Please, God, let him (Trump) be watching this right now.”
Eventually, the chat gets around to Daniels and Trump doing ‘the deed.’
“And you made love,” said Kimmel.
“Gross,” shrieked Daniels. “What’s wrong with you? I laid there and prayed for death!”
Kimmel referenced the passage in Daniels’ book where she had described Trump’s junk as being “smaller than average” and said his penis was “like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.”
The late night host then presented Daniels with a tray of mushrooms and asked the porn star to pick the one that most resembled Trump’s penis.
“Can you hold it up so it’s coming at me at the correct angle?” asked Daniels.
Taking a moment, she selected one of the smaller toad stools saying with a sly grin, “It’s the most accurate depiction.”
Throughout the segment, Daniels showed herself to be confident, smart and quick with a clever line.
In his opening monologue last night, Jimmy Kimmel could not hold back when it came to the news of the day, Donald Trump’s disastrous meeting and press conference with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
“Well, I guess that settles it. There you go. If you’re wondering whether or not Vladimir Putin has an incriminating video of Donald Trump, we now know beyond a treasonable doubt he does.
“This wasn’t a good day for Donald Trump. We haven’t seen an American so owned by a Russian since Rocky IV.
“Putin’s just having fun with this now. He actually offered to have his intelligence agents investigate the hacking of our election. That’s like Papa John offering to investigate who’s been saying all the racist stuff at the company.”
As Trump exited the presser, he brought up Hillary Clinton’s emails yet again. Says Kimmel, “Always close with your biggest hits – that’s the way to go.”
• That hilarious time that Fox News accidentally posted a graphic with poll results showing them to be the “least-trusted” news network on the air. “That’s the not the graphic we’re looking for. Hold off. Take that down, please.” #oops