LGBTQ news and entertainment
Why don’t gay men smile in photos? That’s the question Michael Henry poses in his latest light-hearted short film exploring the ins and outs of gay culture. Continue reading “Ever Notice Some Gay Men Avoid Smiling In Photos?”
The latest short film from funnyman Michael Henry brings up a topic that everyone seems to have an opinion on: the use of the term ‘queer.’ Continue reading “Michael Henry On How We Identify: Gay Or Queer?”
Michael Henry in ‘How Do I Look?’ (screen captures)
The 100 second video is striking in its embrace of silent storytelling. And for someone who’s made a name for himself knowing how to crack wise as he spoofs gay culture, it’s clear the topic at hand is important to Henry. “I wanted to make this film with the sole intention being that you’re not alone,” wrote the writer/director in an Instagram post. “Millions of men have disordered eating behaviors and gay/bisexual men are at an even higher risk.” Studies have shown that among men who have eating disorders, 42 percent identify as gay even though LGBTQ people only make up about 4 percent of the U.S. population. A national survey of LGBTQ youth in 2018 found that 54 percent of respondents had been diagnosed with an eating disorder. If you or someone you know needs assistance when it comes to disordered eating call or text the National Eating Disorders Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. https://www.instagram.com/p/COLiH-_BbeZ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Fitness model Anthony Varrechia (via Instagram)
WATCH: Former President Carter, the oldest living former president in US history, helps lead a build of Habitat for Humanity homes in Nashville one day after falling at his home and receiving stitches above his eye.https://t.co/CB1TSLeaMh pic.twitter.com/oh0jiv4IXY
— NBC News (@NBCNews) October 7, 2019
A recent thread on Reddit began with a question about ‘how sexual gay culture is.’ “I know people love sex and everything and more power to you but sometimes I feel boxed in when I’m not really a sexual person,” wrote Reddit user Gale2323. “Like I don’t have an issue with people being sexual but it just kinda sucks when interacting with gay guys it’s a lot about sex when I’m just looking for cuddles. Idk. Does anyone else have this problem?” The responses, as you can imagine, ran the gamut. Some took the position that it’s not just the gays that are ‘sexual.’
“I think people, in general, are very sexual.”
“Straight culture is just as sexual.”
“Seriously, I drive past billboards for strip clubs on my way to work every day.”
“Whenever people say pride is too sexual I tell them to drive to Indianapolis from Chicago and look at the billboards along the highway.”
And this from a self-described straight guy:
“Straight guys are as sexual if not worse. The only difference is in the other end of a straight relationship is a girl – which we, historically, regard as pure and discreet. We can’t be as straightforward as you guys; at least, “chivalry” or customs demand us to not be. We talk about girls and sex as often as gay guys talk about their men.”
But others felt gay culture is way past where the heterosexual folks are on the ‘sexual’ scale.
“Yeah, the ‘straight people too’ thing is a bunch of bullshit. Gay culture lives and breathes sex to the point where people won’t even associate with you unless you’re attractive. Most gay men would rather sit on apps tracking down their next hookup than have any sort of meaningful bond with someone.”
“Honestly I think it’s kind of an inherent flaw in the idea of two men dating each other. Men are just way more sexual than women and so straight couples have some balance that we don’t.”
“This is the uncomfortable truth that nobody will admit. Everyone says “get off Grindr, it’s toxic” and yet ignore that they’re the ones playing the game which makes Grindr toxic.”
“Straight men may feel as horny as gay men, but straight culture and straight relationships take things slower and don’t fixate on sex so much. For example, for gay guys, it’s pretty much normal to sleep with someone on a first date. With straight people that happens but there’s also kind of a stigma around it and most people wait a few dates before having sex.”
Then there was this straight-forward nugget:
“Straight culture is all about sex too. People like to f*ck.”
One Redditor blamed the sexual nature of gay men on having missed out in our teens.
“Gay culture has been so underdeveloped in the case of sexuality. We weren’t allowed to think or to feel or to act in accordance of our natural desire. We never had that teenage phase of dating or the first kiss. And understandably, now we’re hypersexual because of the lost time and the mental subjugation by this heteronormative society. I’ve been guilty of this. Yes. But I’m well aware that there needs to be a great balance between romanticism and sexuality.”
Others think the issue is one of perception on the part of society:
“I think what Gale may be getting at is that there is the perception that homosexuals are largely defined by whom they have sex with, rather than who they are. Gay men are so much more than their sexual proclivities, but society (and particular subsets of gay culture) tend to only focus on the sexual.“
“I feel the same way. I guess that the gay community has been all about sex since a real relationship was so stigmatized. I like sex just as much as any other guy but I’d like to have a normal relationship too. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who has this problem!”
The original poster, Gale2323, who later shared that he’s in his teens, responded to the thread:
“I’m not saying that the sexual aspect in gay culture is wrong (I mean we are a community based on our sexuality) but I sometimes feel that we as a community focus too much on sex (talking about topping or bottoming etc) when I don’t think the romantic aspects of how we feel about men are talked about enough.”
What do you think, readers? Are gays too focused on sex? Or is being ‘sexual’ just part of being human – straight or gay? Maybe we just play the game a little differently? Check out the full thread on Reddit here.
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| Eric Rutherford (L) and Patrick Dempsey (R) (image via Instagram) |
While the term “daddy” has gotten more and more popular in the gay community over the past several years, therapist Matthew Dempsey’s latest YouTube video explores what makes a gay “daddy?”
“Growing up gay, most of us didn’t have parents who shared that identity and could guide us through that experience as we stepped into adulthood. Enter the gay daddy,” Dempsey shares in the intro to the video. “Whether for friendship or romance, we can easily find ourselves drawn to older gay men for answers we never got and always needed.”
Dempsey enlists the aid of his friend and “resident daddy,” Eric Rutherford, to chat on how being a gay “daddy” affects gay men in regard to aging, dating, and taking care of yourself mentally and physically.
First up, Dempsey and Rutherford note some of the physical reasons why some men are labeled “daddy.”
Dempsey shares that he’s begun to get called daddy in part due to his greying hair and also thanks to being a therapist. But Rutherford, who works as a model for IMG, says when he was younger he felt a daddy was someone who displayed physical/muscular stature, presence and maturity.
There’s also aspect of whether or not some men “own” their age and experience. It’s no secret that gay culture can be a bit youth-obsessed.
Rutherford, who allows his hair to grey naturally but cops to occasionally using botox, encourages a balance in addressing how we physically age. “You can’t hide behind it, because no matter what, you could have all this done, fixed,” he says. “At the end of the day it’s still you.”
Dempsey concurs adding, “If at the core you’re really wrestling with deeper seated things about not feeling good about who you are, if you just look to the exterior to be the thing that’s gonna fix that, it’s not gonna work.”
Side note: I think Mr. Rutherford’s exterior is just fine. Definitely qualifies as “daddy” material.
When it comes to dating and sexual attraction regarding a daddy, Rutherford notes that when he was younger he was attracted to older guys, but as he’s reached his 40s and 50s he now dates a man 17 years his junior.
However, Rutherford admits that initially he had reservations about dating a younger man because he had “some judgement about a stereotype” not wanting to fall into a “sugar daddy” kind of role.
Both men agree that mental outlook is also an important component to daddyhood.
Instead of allowing age to become a negative in his mind, Rutherford, who’s 51, says he works everyday to keep a positive perspective and “living my best life to the fullest.”
“And I don’t have it all together by any means,” he says. “Every day I still wake up, I’m curious, I want to learn more, I want to experience more.”
And as a man who’s been sober for years, Rutherford says he stays grounded by making a conscious effort to stop and express gratitude for what he has achieved.
That doesn’t mean everyone escapes the pressures of aging. Rutherford shares that the “first big love” of his life committed suicide when he reached his 60s feeling he had “aged out” of gay culture.
“He was wildly accomplished, good-looking guy, incredible friends,” gushes Rutherford. But he adds that his former partner “felt invisible in this community and this culture – he wasn’t wanted.”
It’s an interesting chat for anyone who is, or is attracted to, a gay daddy. Watch below.