Category: Life

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Podcast: How Different Groups Use Coming Out To Push For Visibility & Recognition

In my latest episode of The Randy Report podcast, I chat with Abigail Saguy – Professor of Sociology and Gender Studies at UCLA – who’s written a fascinating new book, Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are. The new book details the evolution and history of how and why LGBTQ people “come out.” Saguy’s new book offers background and details from the earliest of gay movements and chronicles how we got from there to here. Over time, though, other marginalized groups – like fat acceptance activists, the #MeToo movement, undocumented immigrants – have adopted a similar dynamic of “coming out” in their efforts to resist stigma and bring about social change. Saguy and her collaborators offer an engaging exploration into how being ‘different’ has led to a universal movement for visibility and acceptance. Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are is available at most online booksellers. You can check it out on Amazon here. Hit the play button below 🙂

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Danny Tidwell, Of ‘So You Think You Can Dance,’ Dead At 35

Danny Tidwell on So You Think You Can Dance (screen capture)
Acclaimed dancer and choreographer Danny Tidwell, who first came to the national spotlight as the runner-up of Season 3 of So You Think You Can Dance, has passed away. He was 35. Eonline is reporting Tidwell died in a car accident on Friday. Travis Wall, who was the runner-up of Season 2 of SYTYCD, shared the news via a post on Instagram. “My heart is broken,” began Wall. “Yesterday I lost a brother. And we all lost a gift. I’m not ready. But I never think I will be. Because I can’t believe this is real.” “I can’t believe you’re gone,” continued Wall. “You were more than my brother. You were my inspiration. I idolized you growing up. Wanted to dance just like you. Wanted to be you!” “I wish I could jump in your arms again like we used to when we were kids and onstage dancing,” he added. “We will all remember the joy and passion you brought to everyone you came in contact with through out your journey. A journey cut to short. You are a legend. And I love you so much Danny. Rest In Peace my brother. I can’t believe I’m even typing this . Please pray for my mom and my family during this difficult time.”

 

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My heart is broken. Yesterday I lost a brother . And we all lost a gift. I’m not ready. But I never think I will be. Because I can’t believe this is real. I can’t believe you’re gone. You were more than my brother. You were my inspiration. I idolized you growing up. Wanted to dance just like you. Wanted to be you! I wish I could jump in your arms again like we used to when we were kids and onstage dancing. We will all remember the joy and passion you brought to everyone you came in contact with through out your journey. A journey cut to short. You are a legend. And I love you so much Danny. Rest In Peace my brother. I can’t believe I’m even typing this . Please pray for my mom and my family during this difficult time. 💔💔💔

A post shared by Travis Wall (@traviswall) on

Tidwell was adopted by Wall’s mother when he was 12-years-old. Tidwell began his dance journey when he was only 8-years-old in an after-school program for at-risk kids. He would go on to attend the Kirov Academy of Ballet and win a silver medal in the USA International Ballet Competition. His performing career included dancing for Debbie Allen, Mia Michaels, and the American Ballet Theatre. In September 2009, he made his Broadway debut in Memphis.

Since September 2010, Tidwell has lived in Oslo where he was hired as a soloist for Norway’s National Ballet. In 2014, Tidwell married journalist David Benaym who also paid tribute to his late husband on Saturday. “I’m devastated that my Danny, the love of my life, my beloved friend, the artist, the talented angel, fierce mind, legendary dancer, my now late husband, Danny Tidwell died last night in a car crash while his friend was driving him home from work,” wrote Benaym. “We were so lucky to have him, life was so challenging for him. But he was a warrior, and he came back standing, always. We loved each other so much, he was and always will be family.”

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I'm devastated that my Danny, the love of my life, my beloved friend, the artist, the talented angel, fierce mind, legendary dancer, my now late husband, Danny Tidwell died last night in a car crash while his friend was driving him home from work. I'm thinking of Denise, Travis, Scott, Tyler and Shannon, Grandma, his sisters Latoya and Ronda, his friend that was with him, Eddy, that survives him, and all his dance family that is already expressing the state of shock we are all in. We were so lucky to have him, life was so challenging for him. But he was a warrior, and he came back standing, always. We loved each other so much, he was and always will be family. He made me the happiest for so many years, we were able to create so much together, a book and a show, Moving Still, an amazing magazine adventure for 7 years, movmnt magazine, that made us so proud. He had such an impact on the dance world, life gave him so much to deal with from a young age. I will write more about you Danny, tell your story, continue your legacy, make sure that you are not forgotten, that you are celebrated. An angel with no wings you said you were, you were flying all along, and you'll be our guardian angel from now on. I love you, I'll forever miss you. You're now in peace, mon Danny, and I know you know how much you were loved. #dannytidwell

A post shared by David BENAYM (@benaym) on

Rest in peace, Danny Tidwell. Here’s just a small taste of the talent and brilliance we have lost.

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#WeLoveYouAlex – Alex Trebek Gives One-Year Update On His Cancer Journey

Who doesn’t love good news on Hump Day? Jeopardy host Alex Trebek, currently on a survival journey with pancreatic cancer, gave his fans an upbeat update today – his one year anniversary since his diagnosis. As Alex notes, the one-year survival rate for stage 4 pancreatic cancer is 18 percent. He adds that, while the two-year survival rate is 7 percent, his oncologist recently told him he expects to be sitting with Alex face to face next March 4. While he acknowledges there have been not-so-good days along the way, he jokes it won’t be cancer that kills him but the chemo treatments. As a cancer thriver myself, I completely understand that, and I’m more than appreciative that Alex is not only sharing his journey but doing so with such grace and conviction. Radiating positivity and courage, he closes his update saying, “If we – because so many of us are involved in this same situation – if we take it just one day at a time, with a positive attitude, anything is possible.” See you next year, Alex.

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What To Do If You Boink Your Banana

In an essay for AskMen.com, writer/comedian Ross Asdourian explains that, yes, you can break your penis. After personally experiencing his own bruised banana during a romp in the sheets, followed by two emergency surgeries, he hopes to explain the ‘nuts and bolts’ (as it were) of the what and how of surviving a broken penis. As Asdourian points out, the penis isn’t a bone you can technically break. “The penis has three relevant parts to this article — two spongy tissues sacks (corpora cavernosa) that fill up with blood when you get erect and the urethra (that thing you pee and squeege out of),” explains Asdourian in his non-medical way. “If you’ve ever heard of a break, it’s actually a tear of one of those tissue sacks or a fracture of the urethra.” The writer shares that he hit the trifecta of penile injuries by tearing both of his ‘spongy sacks’ and severing his urethra. Asdourian shares that his banana break occurred having sex in the doggy position. In fact, a small 2017 study found that doggy-style is the sexual position that offers the most danger for guys going to Pound Town. If you like a big swing to your strokes, chances are you might miss reentry sometime. The result might be what’s known as a ‘penile fracture.’ Not only will there be substantial pain involved, but if you’ve really broken something there will be ample swelling and discoloration.

Ross Asdourian
Asdourian is stone-cold serious when he says: do not hesitate, get yourself to the emergency room. Sometimes, guys don’t want to face the embarrassment of explaining the incident to medical personnel. And sure, if this were stubbing your big toe, you might just tough it out. But as Asdourian notes: This. Is. Not. Your. Toe. What happens if you delay? Most importantly, your penis will not heal properly. The upshot of that could be bad blood flow meaning possibly no erections. And if you get erections, they could be really painful. In Asdourian’s case, he had to endure a three-hour surgery to repair the damage done. It took four weeks of recovery to be able to urinate on his own. After a few months, he regained full sexual function. “The long term effects of short term inaction are irreversible,” reports Asdourian. “Set your ego aside, do not play it cool, and get that hose to a doctor.” You can read more about his adventures with a broken penis in his funny/not-so-funny take on the experience titled, Broken Bananah: Life, Love, and Sex…Without a Penis.

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Soldiers Dancing Cheek To Cheek Captures Internet’s Imagination

(image via Reddit)
They say a picture paints a thousand words. A vintage photo recently posted in several social media circles (I found it on Reddit) appears to show two young military servicemen dancing shirtless cheek to cheek. One soldier facing the camera has his eyes closed with a blissful smile as he holds his bare chest against his friend. It’s not clear if the duo is just messing around, or having a moment. One commenter wrote, “They were probably goofing around but some of them probably secretly enjoyed it.” Another seemed to agree with that assessment: “No women to dance with so they were just bros being bros.” One aspect of the pic was undeniable though as one Redditor wrote, “I love how happy they look together.” “I find it sad how today this is seen as homosexual behavior, but back then this was simply nonsexual and non-romantic fondness shared between two guys,” said another. “I want straight guys to not be stigmatized for sharing affection.” And this Redditor summed up the feelings of many: “Everybody just wants some warmth in dark times. This is an awesome photo.” I thought it was a touching way to begin the week. Does anyone know the story behind the mystery photo? No one seems to know the true origin of the pic, although a poster on Imgur suggested it was from Sweden in 1955. But it’s set hearts aflutter in imagining the scenario. Let me know in the comment section.

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Model/Restauranteur B. Smith Passes Away At 70

Model/restauranteur B. Smith (image courtesy of family)
Model, entrepreneur and style maven B. Smith has passed away at the age of 70 after a long battle with Alzheimer’s disease. Smith shared her diagnosis with the world in 2013. From TMZ:

Dan Gasby announced her death, saying, “It is with great sadness that my daughter Dana and I announce the passing of my wife, Barbara Elaine Smith.” He says she passed peacefully at 10:50 PM Saturday at their home on Long Island after having battled Alzheimer’s Disease for several years.

B. started her career in the 1960s as a model who was signed to Wilhelmina modeling agency. In 1976, she became the first black woman featured on a cover of Mademoiselle.

She went on to open 3 of her popular B. Smith restaurants in New York City, on Long Island and also in Washington, D.C.

B. landed her own cooking and lifestyle show in 1997 when “B. Smith with Style” debuted.

She and Dan married in 1992 and she became a stepmother to his daughter from a previous relationship.

I can’t recall how many times I passed her restaurant in New York City and would see her talking and laughing with patrons inside. Rest in power, B. Smith.

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Advice: Boyfriend Won’t Wash Properly Because Touching Himself Is ‘Gay?’

A recent post on Reddit asked for advice about a boyfriend who refused to rub-a-dub-dub ‘down there’  because ‘no homo.’ The thread got so much attention the moderators actually removed the original message and locked down the comments. A woman asked what she could do to encourage her 24-year-old boyfriend to have better personal hygiene. Apparently, when she addressed the issue (which came up after they became intimate), “He explained that he doesn’t touch himself there, ever, because it’s gay.” “He thinks washing his penis would be gay,” she continued. “What the hell. In fact, he thinks any touching of anything between his legs is gay.” It seems the most attention his nether regions get is water running down his body during a shower. “This was completely ridiculous and I started asking him what about masturbating?” added the poster. “What about wiping after he poops?” Apparently, the boyfriend explained he gave up on self-love long ago as it began to make him feel ‘weird.’ And he uses a bidet instead of wiping after taking a number two. The poster shared that the boyfriend feels “any contact a guy has with the male ass or pubic areas is in a gay realm.” Even when she tried to tell him that touching his own body wasn’t ‘gay’ (“gay involves other people!”), he was unmoved.

Boyfriend won’t touch himself below the waist (image via John Fornander/Unsplash)
Many of the responders felt the man must have experienced some kind of sexual trauma or molestation at some point in his life. “It sounds like he may have had a trauma at some point in his life,” wrote one Redditor. “And/or he has been seriously shamed into the closet. To the point of having a phobia.” “Honestly, he’s probably gay or was possibly molested,” another chimed in. “It’s extremely abnormal behavior.” The closet scenario was brought up by several: “This dude is clearly just in deep denial that he is gay. It’s one thing to be a little homophobic and be worried out by gay people kissing or whatever, I get it, people were raised to think that wrong. It’s another thing entirely to have convinced yourself that touching your dick is gay.” “Your boyfriend legitimately needs therapy for his obvious suppressed sexuality issues. His behavior heavily implies some kind of physical, or at the very least emotional, abuse was endured growing up.” Others expressed concern for the woman’s personal health. One responder penned, “Do your vag a favor and don’t sleep with him til he washes cause that is a bacterial infection waiting to happen.” Another: “Don’t have sex with him till he stops being a dumbass. It’s not worth the yeast infections and uti’s.” Some wondered about the logistics of how a guy relieves himself without touching: “How does he pee without touching his dick? I’m imagining a huge mess.” Another logistic question came up about the reality of having sex – apparently, he doesn’t touch his penis then either. The original poster, when asked, added, “I didn’t want to get too graphic but yes the times we’ve had sex he has asked me to position him and also to put on the condom.” Several comments suggested he might need a date with a doctor for a ‘hygiene intervention.’ Many felt the clue phone was ringing, and she might want to answer: “I feel like the fact that he doesn’t wash or touch his own genital area (as genuinely disturbing as that is) is unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg with this whole thing.” What do you think, readers? Is this just an OCD thing? Childhood trauma? When it comes to hygiene, have you ever had to bring up the issue with a partner? Tell us what you think in the comments section. You can read the 1.7K responses over on Reddit here.

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Golden State Warriors President Marries Longtime Partner

Rick Welts and Todd Gage get married in San Francisco (image via Twitter)
Golden State Warriors president Rick Welts married his longtime partner, Todd Gage, on Friday. With San Francisco Mayor London Breed officiating the ceremony, the couple (together for nine years) said their I do’s. In 2011, Welts became the first senior sports executive to come out as gay. In 2018, he was named to the Basketball Hall of Fame. Congratulations to the happy couple!