Tag: sexual trauma

A recent post on Reddit asked for advice about a boyfriend who refused to rub-a-dub-dub ‘down there’  because ‘no homo.’ The thread got so much attention the moderators actually removed the original message and locked down the comments. A woman asked what she could do to encourage her 24-year-old boyfriend to have better personal hygiene. Apparently, when she addressed the issue (which came up after they became intimate), “He explained that he doesn’t touch himself there, ever, because it’s gay.” “He thinks washing his penis would be gay,” she continued. “What the hell. In fact, he thinks any touching of anything between his legs is gay.” It seems the most attention his nether regions get is water running down his body during a shower. “This was completely ridiculous and I started asking him what about masturbating?” added the poster. “What about wiping after he poops?” Apparently, the boyfriend explained he gave up on self-love long ago as it began to make him feel ‘weird.’ And he uses a bidet instead of wiping after taking a number two. The poster shared that the boyfriend feels “any contact a guy has with the male ass or pubic areas is in a gay realm.” Even when she tried to tell him that touching his own body wasn’t ‘gay’ (“gay involves other people!”), he was unmoved.

Many of the responders felt the man must have experienced some kind of sexual trauma or molestation at some point in his life. “It sounds like he may have had a trauma at some point in his life,” wrote one Redditor. “And/or he has been seriously shamed into the closet. To the point of having a phobia.” “Honestly, he’s probably gay or was possibly molested,” another chimed in. “It’s extremely abnormal behavior.” The closet scenario was brought up by several: “This dude is clearly just in deep denial that he is gay. It’s one thing to be a little homophobic and be worried out by gay people kissing or whatever, I get it, people were raised to think that wrong. It’s another thing entirely to have convinced yourself that touching your dick is gay.” “Your boyfriend legitimately needs therapy for his obvious suppressed sexuality issues. His behavior heavily implies some kind of physical, or at the very least emotional, abuse was endured growing up.” Others expressed concern for the woman’s personal health. One responder penned, “Do your vag a favor and don’t sleep with him til he washes cause that is a bacterial infection waiting to happen.” Another: “Don’t have sex with him till he stops being a dumbass. It’s not worth the yeast infections and uti’s.” Some wondered about the logistics of how a guy relieves himself without touching: “How does he pee without touching his dick? I’m imagining a huge mess.” Another logistic question came up about the reality of having sex – apparently, he doesn’t touch his penis then either. The original poster, when asked, added, “I didn’t want to get too graphic but yes the times we’ve had sex he has asked me to position him and also to put on the condom.” Several comments suggested he might need a date with a doctor for a ‘hygiene intervention.’ Many felt the clue phone was ringing, and she might want to answer: “I feel like the fact that he doesn’t wash or touch his own genital area (as genuinely disturbing as that is) is unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg with this whole thing.” What do you think, readers? Is this just an OCD thing? Childhood trauma? When it comes to hygiene, have you ever had to bring up the issue with a partner? Tell us what you think in the comments section. You can read the 1.7K responses over on Reddit here.