A gay man in Oklahoma wrote to advice maven Dear Abby for help trying to figure out why it seems straight men don’t want to be friends? Continue reading “Dear Abby: Why Do Straight Guys NOT Want To Be Friends?”
Over on the AskGayBros sub-reddit, one user asked folks to chime in with “the unspoken rules that every gay guy should know.” Continue reading “Reddit: ‘The Unspoken Rules Every Gay Guy Should Know’”
Dear Abby clapped back at a homophobic senior who wanted advice after calling his own gay brother “disgusting.”
The man, who admits he has “some beliefs” that others find old-fashioned, shared with the advice maven that he consciously tries “to be tolerant of others’ feelings and beliefs.”
But when it comes to his younger brother, who is gay, the man’s coping mechanism has been to ignore that side of his life. Since the brother lives in another state, their relationship has been primarily long-distance via phone calls.
But a few months ago, it seems the “tolerant” approach went out the window during a phone chat.
“While we were talking, the subject of sexuality came up, and I told him I find the fact that he is gay ‘disgusting,'” shared the senior before admitting “it was a poor choice of words.”
The man went on to say that what he “meant” was that he himself has always been heterosexual and never experienced any attraction for members of his own sex.
How that translated to the word “disgusting” is still unclear.
Explaining that he never intended his remark to be perceived as “judgmental.” And he added he’s left several messages for the brother apologizing for anything “objectionable” he said, but the younger bro now refuses to take his calls.
He closes his missive to Dear Abby asking for whatever advice she might have as he’s “desperate.”
The senior signs his request Feels Like A Fool In Washington. You can read his full note here.
Dear Abby, in her inimitable style, gets straight to the heart of things explaining she’s “never understood why so many straight people spend so much time obsessing about what gay people might be doing behind closed doors.”
The wise one added, “THAT, to me, is disgusting.”
BAM! And we’re off and running…
Noting that the younger brother would have to be “a saint” to forgive the ugly remark, Dear Abby explains that the brother is merely doing what emotionally healthy people do – “erasing a negative influence from his life.”
She adds that he could try to pen a “heartfelt letter of apology and remorse” that includes a promise to never use the “disgusting” word again.
Dear Abby pointedly advises him that should the brother remain unreceptive, “you will just have to live with it.”
This isn’t the first time Dear Abby (also known as Jeanne Phillips) has stood up for the LGBTQ community.
In 2018, a “shocked” mother wrote to the advice column after her daughter came out as lesbian. DA told the woman straight away to “apologize and tell her you overreacted.”
In 2015, a heart-broken lesbian grandmother asked for advice when her son and daughter-in-law stopped talking to her and effectively shut her out of her new grandson’s life. Dear Abby urged the woman to “find other outlets for your maternal instincts and go on with your life because any child would be blessed to be a part of it.”
And back in May 1981, the advice column came back with one of its most famous pieces of advice on gay matters.
Some residents in San Francisco’s Nob Hill wrote saying they were ‘concerned’ after what appeared to be a gay couple moved in across the street.
Asking what they could do “to improve the neighborhood,” the original Dear Abby, Pauline Phillips, replied, “Dear Residents: You could move.”
As the world grows bigger and bigger thanks to the internet, parts of our lives make their way out onto the interwebs.
The ‘Dear Prudence’ advice column over at Slate received a question about how to handle the news that a new-ish boyfriend has shared his naked pics (and video) with what seemed like too many guys in the past.
The writer (male, 22) says he’s been dating his boo (male, 24) for five months and the bf recently shared that he’d sent his naked self to over 100 guys over the past few years before the couple got serious.
The bf says he’s since deleted the pics he received over the years and isn’t sharing pics anymore.
But the writer still finds the news unsettling as it bothers him that “1) so many people have seen such a sensitive part of him; 2) if he sent it to that many people, odds are that there is some content of him online and still in the hands of many people; and 3) these people still follow him on social media, know who I am from his posts, and know that we are together.”
Apparently, sending nude pics is a foreign dynamic for the advice seeker and doesn’t understand why his now-steady “would want to do that to so many, even when single.”
Scrolling on Twitter recently, the questioner saw a nude photo on Twitter, and it somehow came up that his boyfriend had exchanged pics with that guy. Color the 22yo officially freaked out.
The writer wonders how he can stay in the relationship without “being miserable and thinking about how many people his steady has sent nudes to?”
‘Prudence’ gets down to brass tacks in her response: “Before you and your boyfriend got serious, he was a single adult who enjoyed sharing photos of his body with other adults.”
Prudie acknowledges that new relationships can open up “fears and insecurities” for folks but reminds the young man that no one did anything wrong.
In that the number of people who have seen the boyfriend naked seems to bother the young man, Prudence asks, “What number of people that have seen him naked would have made you feel comfortable? What’s the correct number of people he should have sent nudes to?”
The final words of wisdom from Prudie encourage the young gay to communicate with his bf about his fears as well as finding “a way to let go of your desire to control his past.”
When I first met my husband many years ago, he shared some of his sexual history with me and it turned out he’d had much more experience than I.
I remember it kind of gave me pause at the time. I wondered if I might be too ‘vanilla’ or not adventurous/experienced enough for him.
This was back in the 1990s and I got over my concerns. Twenty-five years later, we’re very secure in our relationship, but I remember feeling those insecurities.
Today, with all our new-fangled technology and dating apps, sharing pics among gay men seems de rigueur.
What do you think, readers? Would it bother you to find out over 100 men had seen your guy naked? Or is this to be expected today? Let me know in the comment section.
(image via Depositphotos)
A dear friend of mine shared this today on Facebook, and wow, every single word resonated for me.
Small decisions can lead us to unexpected places. Small decisions can result in huge life choices.
But we can make the decision to undo those events; to choose to change direction.
I know this sounds like a bad Sunday morning cable ad, but its a truth worth repeating.
In my 20s, I fell in love with someone I cared for deeply. But the relationship was not healthy.
Even though we ended things after two years, the effects lingered in my life and behavior for years and years.
But, all these things are thoughts, and you can change a thought by changing your mind.
We are never “over the finish line” until we are over that final finish line.
Gay, straight, black, white, however you identify – the world will treat you as you treat yourself. Set your own best example.
I wrote this in two minutes because the video below spoke to me so hard.
Watch the video below.
Advice columnist Amy Dickinson ran a “Best Of” column today, including this one exchange from February 2013.
The question comes from a “mother” (I’m using the term loosely here) who is “Feeling Betrayed” by her son. The mother says he won’t stop being gay, and honestly believes the only reason he’s “being gay” is to get back at her for FORGETTING HIS BIRTHDAY THREE YEARS IN A ROW.
Dickinson handles the situation perfectly.
Dear Amy: I recently discovered that my son, who is 17, is a homosexual.
We are part of a church group, and I fear that if people in that group find out they will make fun of me for having a gay child.
He won’t listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay. I feel as if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years — I have a busy work schedule.
Please help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. He won’t listen to me, so maybe he will listen to you. — Feeling Betrayed
Dear Betrayed: You could teach your son an important lesson by changing your own sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for the next year or so: Stop being a heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person’s sexuality is a matter of choice — to be dictated by one’s parents, the parents’ church and social pressure.
I assume that my suggestion will evoke a reaction that your sexuality is at the core of who you are. The same is true for your son. He has a right to be accepted by his parents for being exactly who he is.
When you “forget” a child’s birthday, you are basically negating him as a person. It is as if you are saying that you have forgotten his presence in the world. How very sad for him.
Pressuring your son to change his sexuality is wrong. If you cannot learn to accept him as he is, it might be safest for him to live elsewhere.
A group that could help you and your family figure out how to navigate this is PFLAG.org. This organization was founded for parents, families, friends and allies of LGBT people, and has helped countless families through this challenge. Please research and connect with a local chapter
For. The. Win!
Former N’Sync member Joey Fatone has lived the boy-band phenomenon to the max. I mean REALLY lived it.
So if anyone would have the inner wisdom on life as a “BB-er” it’s Fatone.
In light of the news that One Direction has announced a one year “hiatus,” a writer at AboveAverage named Joanna Bradley penned a faux letter of advice from Joey to the 1D guys.
Joey Fatone is actually in the middle of shooting a new “steampunk, futuristic, zombie/cowboy” flick titled DEAD 7 out in Montana somewhere with fellow boybanders Nick Carter, Erik Estrada, AJ McLean, Chris Kirkpatrick and tons of other BBers. He’s a bit busy these days 🙂
In any case, the “open letter” hysterical, AND packed with some reality juice.
Dear Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan and Harry Styles,
Hey guys. It’s Joey Fatone, former member of NSync and current announcer on Family Feud, the job I’ve always dreamed of. This weekend, while sitting on the toilet and crying (I LOVE MY LIFE!!!) I flipped through my iPhone and saw that you’d announced a “one-year hiatus” beginning in March. I just wanted to congratulate you guys and wish you well! I’m sure 2016 will be a wonderful time for everyone from One Direction to pursue some independent projects before regrouping as a stronger band one year later! Here’s to spreading your wings!
Here’s how it’s gonna go down, fellas. While you’re all on hiatus, Harry will record some dope singles with Beyonce, Ryan Adams and Wiz Khalifa, come out with a killer solo album produced by Pharrell and Timbaland, cut his hair, dye his hair, do a second less awesome album, let his hair grow super long and wear it in two braids, crush a self-effacing cameo in a Judd Apatow movie, buzz his hair and release a third, self-produced album on which he hints at being bisexual that everyone will call his “best work.”
The rest of you are fucked. I mean fucked. I am the second most-successful former member of NSync and I am Joey Fatone. Say that outloud to yourself: “Besides Justin Timberlake, Joey Fatone is the most successful member of NSync.”
Here’s me being a spokesman for Bosley hair restoration last year:
Best case scenario, you’ll do a 6-week stint in Minions: The Musical! on Broadway before you bounce around different hosting jobs on channels like Spike and TruTv. Do you know what Chris Kirkpatrick is doing? Because I don’t. He’s completely unreachable. He might be managing a Best Buy in Sacramento, he might be dead. No one knows. Louis, I’m looking at you.
There is one exception: If one of you is gay you might have a shot. Wait till One Direction has been dead for two years, kiss your hot boyfriend at an awards show, then ride that relevance like a beautiful boner and pray to god you get a show on Bravo.
It’s not that you guys aren’t talented, it’s that Harry is so, so much cuter, cooler and more talented than the rest of you. Deep down, you’ve always known that, but you will never truly understand it until you’re in your grimy little condo, sitting in your boxers, sucking a chow mein noodle off your Playstation controller and watching Harry blow it up on SNL.
Jesus christ I wish I was still in NSync. Jesus…JESUS FUCK! I would give all my hair to go back to that.
Anyway, enjoy the next few months, One Direction, because they’re your last.
From Australian mining tycoon Gina Rinehart, who inherited $30 billion from her daddy.
“There is no monopoly on becoming a millionaire. If you’re jealous of those with more money, don’t just sit there and complain. Do something to make more money yourself — spend less time drinking or smoking and socialising, and more time working. Become one of those people who work hard, invest and build, and at the same time create employment and opportunities for others.”
Rinehart says Australia needs to do away with the minimum wage “unless we want to end up like Greece.”