Jimmy Kimmel gets a lot of well wishes on his birthday from his family and friends, but the first one every year is a call from his Aunt Chippy at the crack of dawn.
It’s gotten to the point where Jimmy turns his phone off the night before his birthday so she doesn’t wake him up.
So this year, with some help from Jimmy’s wife Molly and his brother Jonathan, Aunt Chippy flew in from Las Vegas to wake him up in the middle of the night when he was sound asleep.
Jimmy Kimmel is cute when he wakes up
Oh, and she brought a few friends from the world-famous Chippendales to help out, cause who doesn’t want to wake up surrounded by those hunks?
Stormy Daniels on Jimmy Kimmel Live (courtesy of ABC)
Stormy Daniels dropped by Jimmy Kimmel Live last night to promote her new tell-all memoir, Full Disclosure, and along the way the porn star offered even more details about her 2007 sexcapade with Donald Trump.
Out actress Sarah Paulson (American Horror Story: Apocalypse) gleefully asked if she could stay on stage for the Stormy segment telling Kimmel she would love to play the porn star in the film version of her book.
After sitting down, Kimmel took the conversation right to “Chapter Trump.”
Daniels shared that when she first met the Trumpster in his hotel suite that fateful night, he was wearing silky black pajamas: “I’m pretty sure I thought he was channeling Hugh Hefner. Significantly less sexy.”
According to Daniels, she told him to change.
“I wish you could make him change now,” quipped Kimmel.
“He followed orders much better back then,” Daniels said with a laugh.
Kimmel replied he thought Daniels could still order the Donald around a bit, but Daniels was quick saying, “I don’t speak Russian.”
Stormy Daniels (image via screen capture)
Kimmel couldn’t help but bring up the now-infamous moment during the evening when Daniels reportedly spanked the Donald with a magazine, asking, “What does he do, when you spank Donald Trump?”
Without pause, Daniels responded, “Do you want me to show you? Get up!”
After spanking Kimmel with her book, the late night host paused to pray saying, “Please, God, let him (Trump) be watching this right now.”
Eventually, the chat gets around to Daniels and Trump doing ‘the deed.’
“And you made love,” said Kimmel.
“Gross,” shrieked Daniels. “What’s wrong with you? I laid there and prayed for death!”
Kimmel referenced the passage in Daniels’ book where she had described Trump’s junk as being “smaller than average” and said his penis was “like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.”
The late night host then presented Daniels with a tray of mushrooms and asked the porn star to pick the one that most resembled Trump’s penis.
“Can you hold it up so it’s coming at me at the correct angle?” asked Daniels.
Taking a moment, she selected one of the smaller toad stools saying with a sly grin, “It’s the most accurate depiction.”
Throughout the segment, Daniels showed herself to be confident, smart and quick with a clever line.
Watch below. Daniels’ memoir, Full Disclosure, is available now.
In his opening monologue last night, Jimmy Kimmel could not hold back when it came to the news of the day, Donald Trump’s disastrous meeting and press conference with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
“Well, I guess that settles it. There you go. If you’re wondering whether or not Vladimir Putin has an incriminating video of Donald Trump, we now know beyond a treasonable doubt he does.
“This wasn’t a good day for Donald Trump. We haven’t seen an American so owned by a Russian since Rocky IV.
“Putin’s just having fun with this now. He actually offered to have his intelligence agents investigate the hacking of our election. That’s like Papa John offering to investigate who’s been saying all the racist stuff at the company.”
As Trump exited the presser, he brought up Hillary Clinton’s emails yet again. Says Kimmel, “Always close with your biggest hits – that’s the way to go.”
• Jimmy Kimmel has apologized for using gay jokes in his ongoing online feud with Sean Hannity.
• Even conservative pollster Frank Luntz says the GOP is in “deep trouble” and could very well lose both the House and the Senate in the 2018 fall mid-term elections.
• A dad’s request to see his son’s “boy toy” boyfriend went viral for all the right reasons.
• That hilarious time that Fox News accidentally posted a graphic with poll results showing them to be the “least-trusted” news network on the air. “That’s the not the graphic we’re looking for. Hold off. Take that down, please.” #oops
As promised, after Donald Trump’s first State of the Union address last night, porn star Stormy Daniels made a lengthy appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
The appearance, obviously, was Kimmel’s attempt to see if he could get anything out of Daniels regarding an alleged sexual relationship she might have had back in 2006 just months after Melania Trump would have given birth to Trump’s third son, Barron.
Several sources say Daniels was paid $130,000 near or after the end of the 2016 election in “hush money.”
Now, all that aside, the fun here is watching Daniels navigate the Kimmel mine-field. Will she slip up? Will she say anything?
My take is: she’s a smart girl, and charming. She handles herself well and comes across as confident and composed.
One of the better quotes from the interview comes when Kimmel asks what she thought of Donald Trump inviting three of Bill Clinton’s accusers to one of the 2016 presidential debates.
Her take? “Dirty. And I know a lot about dirty. Even I wouldn’t do that.”
Kimmel also asked the entertainer if she actually signed a document that purports to deny the alleged affair to which she responded with a smile, “I don’t know. Did I? It doesn’t look like my signature, does it?”
The segment is fluff but there’s a sense of fun to the whole thing. Good for her for handling it so well.
As Donald Trump continues to urge the Department of Justice to pursue some kind of investigation into actions by Hillary Clinton (p.s. we don’t order hit jobs on our political foes in the U.S., Donald), Jimmy Kimmel sent a producer into the streets to ask people if Hillary should be impeached.
Now, you and I know that since Hillary isn’t the president (in fact she holds no office whatsoever) she can’t be impeached.
But then that’s why I love Randy Report readers because you’re smarter than the average American since you stay informed.
Watch what some Americans say should be done about Hillary and her “impeachable offenses” below.
On last night’s show, with a totally straight face, Kimmel spent a few minutes explaining how he’s totally onboard for ‘TrumpCare’ as he shared a video clip of a fake commercial for ‘TrumpCare’ and urged folks to head on over to HealthCare.gov.
And the Trumpers ate it up:
“BINGO. THANK YOU for being REAL with all this Trump stuff. FINALLY, an American who behaves like an AMERICAN. LOVE YOU,” wrote Joanne Palumbo.
“Gotta love Jimmy for keeping an open mind. Goes a lot into healing the divide,” wrote Anastasia on Facebook.
Of course, all he did was call the plan ‘TrumpCare’ and then sent them to the website to sign up for the Affordable Care Act.
Like so many in Trump Land, they didn’t even know the difference. As long as it’s not ‘ObamaCare’ they’re good.
Jimmy Kimmel was overcome with emotion last night as he addressed the horrific shooting in Las Vegas, his own hometown, which saw 59 people killed and 527 injured while attending a country music concert.
Choked up from the beginning and eventually breaking into tears, his opening monologue became a searing condemnation of the country’s leaders who have done nothing in the aftermath of mass shootings over the years.
“There are a lot of things we can do about it. But we don’t, which is interesting. Because when someone with a beard attacks us, we tap phones, we invoke travel bans, we build walls, we take every possible precaution to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But when an American buys a gun and kills other Americans, then there’s nothing we can do about that. And the Second Amendment, I guess, our forefathers wanted us to have AK-47s is the argument, I assume.”
He also noted the incredibly high amount of support there is across the country for commonsense action regarding guns.
For the third night in a row, Jimmy Kimmel has used his opening monologue to bring attention to the disastrous healthcare bill written by Sen. Bill Cassidy (R-La.) and Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.).
As Cassidy and other Republican senators have attacked Kimmel for raising his voice about a subject he is not an expert on, Kimmel continues to point to major medical organizations, like the American Medical Association and the American Cancer Society, that also oppose the legislation.
Kimmel included Donald Trump in the segment saying he doesn’t believe Trump has even read the bill. “He doesn’t know the difference between Medicare and Medicaid,” Kimmel said. “He barely knows the difference between Melania and Ivanka.”
And for all the folks who have suggested Kimmel should shut up because he’s a comedian, not a politician, Kimmel points out that Donald Trump’s “qualification” to be president was “he fired Meatloaf on television, and then you put him in the White House.”
I just want to underline one aspect of the bill that Republicans keep sweeping under the rug: pre-existing conditions.
While the “idea” of pre-existing conditions is addressed in the bill, Cassidy-Graham would leave it to individual states to make sure folks with pre-existing conditions have “access” to health insurance that is “adequate and affordable.” BUT – the bill doesn’t define what “adequate and affordable” would be.
Perhaps 10% more costly than otherwise healthy people? 20% more? 50% more?
